rocket robot
roll it over
rock it – roll it
rocket robot
push the starter
teleturnit
press it harder
over orbit
racy power
telelectric
take it higher
super joy stick
million gigabyte
satellite night
engines ignite
machine in flight
INITIATE
work it robot
INTEGRATE
rock it robot
ANIMATE
roll it robot
ACTIVATE
move it robot
rock it robot
over orbit
rocket robot
rock & roll it
rocket rock it
ROBOT
(c) Gay Reiser Cannon
Beachanny's Texas 
Great wordplay and rhythm here Gay. Just to say – the reason you have no comments i think is that your link is incorrect – it has http:// twice at the beginning. My critiquing brain is switching off now, it’s 2am, must bed down. I’ll come to this tomorrow if I may? Perhaps you could relink this? (though if you do could you leave in the incorrect one? The reason being that Beth and I are alternating odd and even numbers and if you delete a link everything following it will be offset and I’ve already reached almost the end but not quite, and Beth’s still going, it would get very confusing!). See you tmw xx
Just added my name again at the bottom. I suck at this for sure. I couldn’t do right (critiquing) for doing wrong. Aaaarrrrgggh. Y’all have it mastered. Oh well like everything else it will take practice, I suppose. I deleted that extra http:// twice and I guess it reinserted it. Glitches today for sure!
ha, dont be so hard on yourself gay. this was a delightful piece…fun word play, som innuendo, nice beat…i enjoyed it love how you break up the flow a bit with the break out words in caps…
I’m wondering as I read down what kind of ROBOT this is …. ahem… first read I really did think it was an innocent futuristic poem. Then I saw the tags, and reread. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? I like your wordplay and feast of aural poetic device you have here – various kinds of rhyme, the repetition (a favourite of mine), and a propulsive rhythm, which, if the innuendo is saying what I think it is, suits perfectly.
‘million gigabyte’ stuck out a little – it’s the ‘million’ part – it’s a generic vaguely very high number. Sometimes these are just what we want, but it comes over as not quite being relevant, or if it is relevant, perhaps not putting a number to it but something like ‘many gigabyte/umpteen gigabyte’ etc. But gigabytes being units of ROM/digital storage space don’t to me don’t follow in that sequence right there, after ‘joystick high’ etc. You’re talking about what the robot can do, I wonder if its memory capacity is pertinent? Maybe it is.
Also thought the CAPS further up were warranted but the last ROBOT seemed overstated. I’m wondering if you need this entire last section at all actually –
rock it robot
over orbit
rocket robot
rock & roll it
rocket rock it
ROBOT
Your INITIATE, ANIMATE, INTEGRATE, ACTIVATE sequence feels like the climax of the piece (pun entirely intended). I’d be inclined to strip everything after that. Just suggestions, as always 🙂
Lively, fun, clever and (I think?) lewd piece, Gay
It’s hard to find anything to add after Luke’s comment. As for the word choice around ‘million gigabyte’ here’s some inspiration (some great words really):
· 1000 Gigabytes = 1 Terabyte
· 1000 Terabytes = 1 Petabyte
· 1000 Petabytes = 1 Exabyte
· 1000 Exabytes = 1 Zettabyte
· 1000 Zettabytes = 1 Yottabyte
· 1000 Yottabytes = 1 Brontobyte
· 1000 Brontobytes = 1 Geopbyte
Also, maybe memory capacity is important for understanding all the nuances of human desire. The initiate/integrate/animate/activate section is gold! I enjoyed the word play and feel of the poem very much. Thank you for sharing it.
Yes it was meant to be lively and lewd. I think the last might be redundant too. Wrote it thinking of it as a kind of rock-rap song. With the capital letters as the bridge (sort of) and then went back to the initial as a reprise (tag); however I can see that it may be (ahem) anticlimactic. This came over as all caps because of the font I used on my computer. Afraid I didn’t scroll down to rewrite that last robot – oops. I left the “ATE” words as a contrast when I rewrote on the blog.
Ha – re memory. I think I was just trying to rev up the numbers – kind of a robot capacity. Not sure I gave it this much attention. I like that you guys did though. Thanks.
Gay,
Although Luke took the crit on this one, I had to stop by for a read. I lovelovelove the wordplay and the innuendo? Oh, my… Depending on the reader’s mindset, this could go anywhere from simple to playful to suggestive. I won’t say where my mind headed, only that I have a grin of some undefined sort right now.
Wonderful.
Beth
Brilliant – Original – Authentic and inspirational. A piece which will be remembered long after reading.
i guess my mind needs some cleaning ’cause i was thinking lewd robot on the first read. i even scrolled back up mid-poem to check out his “equipment.” {smile} this is so different for you and i absolutely LOVE it!
Lots of nothing… too old for rock and roll.