This is the story of our becoming.

Before the beginning there was the Intellect.
The Intellect was-is-will be complete.
In the beginning there was light that traveled 186,000 miles a second.
It made a sound that traveled a mile in five seconds (so much slower).
In eleven seconds (plank time) the universe went from a thought
to almost the size it is now.
Nothing can move faster than the speed of light and all the energy in the beginning was “nothing” and it did move faster than the speed of light.

These particles banged around for a long time becoming space, time, matter,
moving and even now expanding, ever expanding.
This “becoming” was Violent – initially matter/anti-matter. Constant collisions exploding until the matter we know succeeded (barely).

The nature of matter was to collide in space.
All eruptions, so violent, yielded much destruction, then because of forces re-formed
These forces we call “fields” and most important: gravity, electromagnetic.
These fields allowed energy to convert to matter;
thus, over billions of years, living organisms came into existence.

Millions of years before that, (from Earth’s view) our star was born.
In the process the debris that was scattered formed the planets of our solar system.
We are on the third planet from the sun where conditions have been ideal for
carbon based life to evolve and flourish. We, human beings, are sentient creatures
who have arrived at a point in time and are able to ascertain and inscribe the events
of our beingness on planet Earth – one of four terrestrial planets and the only one that
has an active hydrosphere.

Gravity has a strong effect on all the universe; within our hydrosphere, this protective
bubble keeps out radiation that would burn us up and burn away our water. We are
composed of atoms that are held together by particles charged with both positive and negative charges. On a larger scale we have been able to harness positive and negative forces in many ways to provide us with a world pulled together with magnets and electricity. These have provided us with the structures of our society. Humans are self-aware.

Throughout our existence we have sought to document our time on planet Earth. We constantly seek newer and better ways to do so. We began chiseling on stones and we’ve moved to computerized digital records, photographs, you tube videos, films, music, writing on all viable surfaces even ones that require electricity and special devices to communicate the information. We know these records are fragile but we hope they survive for future sentient matter to learn and understand. We constantly seek meaning to our existence.

There has been much contemplation, writing, argument, and pompous declarations on the meaning of life, the nature of humans, what happens after life ends. I postulate my own thoughts here:

When considering this set of poems, when considering the Major Arcana, I have given thought to the nature of good and evil and now I deduce that my time thinking about it was pointless. No one has agreed on it in the span of life-forms on Earth.

What I observe is this: Humans see terrible, depraved, injurious, killing, and destructive acts that they deem Evil. They find comfort, beauty, innocence, nature, good health, fine art, music, caring, kindness, happiness and they deem that Good. I contend there is nothing of either Good or Evil in the Intellect. The Intellect knew that forces set in motion had inherent within them peace and great violence. Its thought became, changed, manifested independent thought in sentient beings. This is likely an experiment to the Intellect. Even though the 13.6 billion year old experiment seems long (and possibly cruel) to humans, in fact it may be a very short period of time to the Intellect. It must be seen to its conclusion however long it takes. The Intellect is

I contend the Intellect does not know the conclusion of the experiment or it would be pointless. The Intellect is pure. It is both observer and part of all creation. It does not likely ascribe value to its parts, but lets things respond naturally as creation and life continuously begins and ends. Clearly the Intellect is aware of all events and knows that humans have ascribed values to them. Yet, to the Intellect the experiment will be deemed a success based on what It set out to do, and not based on the reactions of the particles in the Universe it created. The “morality” of attractions or repulsions, love or war, isolation or community would be noted but only in the larger measure of what ensued, what made what thing happen, how things collided, changed, evolved, surpassed expectation, endured, or prevailed.

Most likely sentient life or human life has a given period of existence as everything has limits, even stars and galaxies. Eventually there will be an end to the universe just as there was a beginning. It will go cold, empty and be absorbed back into the Intellect who will have gained the information it was looking for. Perhaps this, all of this, is but one experiment among billions that the Intellect is realizing through self-transformation. As limited microcosms of vastness of the enormous universe created in that explosive initial instant, we humans cannot possibly conceive of our worth, role, or importance whatever it may be. It seems we are only partly free and partly programmed by matter, genetics, environment, family, culture, time, and accident of place and movement.

I contend we are all bits of stardust, twinkling in the universe, absorbing as much as our life and curiosity allows. Creating as much as our talents allow. Awaiting absorption into the Intellect where curiosity began and ends.


  1. wow gay. philosophy 101…interesting…the tone in this is so straight forward it comes across with great conviction…the opening creation story was very intriguing…nice blend of science…i would hope that we are more than an experiment…terminated when done…once the intellect has learned what it needs…

    • Thank you Brian for reading this. I would wish we were, but I am sure each event has merit, may mean more, may be more precious that we can conceive. I am sure that as we are aware, so we are ultimately a part of the great Intellect and that may be enough when we are reabsorbed.

  2. I don’t agree at all, but I always enjoy your writing and the brief opening of the window that lets us step into your brain.

    This piece reminds me of my favorite children’s chapter book: A Wrinkle in Time. I’m sure you know it well.

    • Thank you. I’m glad you commented. It gives me an understanding. I have been moving toward this thought for a long time. It may not be my last on these subjects for I still have miles to go. Much appreciated!

  3. I think that humanity will always look for a meaning.. and maybe the alternative that all would be chance and chaos is even more scary.. sometimes I spend a lot of time thinking about the meaning, and the coldness of what we find when we dissect the layers of science make it harder and harder.. so we need that comfort of philosophy..

    • I wrote this trying to resolve violence. Violence has this way of being done by many peaceful people – but with anger and injustice, there is a human reaction to rebel, to get retribution. It seems so sometimes in the gentlest of people. There is also the instinct to protect which brings out fierceness in nearly all life. It is a “built-in” mechanism that is there for “good”; yet from another view point is violent, evil. When weighing good and evil in our own sphere, it’s never easy to ascertain exactly what is evil, what is good, whether anyone or anything is to blame, what “triggered” an incident. Even we ourselves in the middle of things, that we think our good or righteous, our motives are questioned and we are made to doubt ourselves.

      Yes, I think there are a few monsters among us, but so many things are at play when violence gives way to war – greed, power, need, fear, that bearing guilt for that at the bottom of the pyramid seems unfair at least and unjust at the extreme. For a long time I believed there was reward for the good, and punishment for the evil. But in a universe where destruction is the norm, perhaps it’s just a reward for the innocent and the good – and perhaps it is received as it is given.

  4. what an interesting write gay – and it’s true… we always look for meaning.. we all want to leave our marks in history as small as they may be… i wonder if curiosity is a source of our intellect or rather our heart that tries and strives to understand things…

  5. I always thought Dr. Seuss had the write/right idea…while he never conjectured to the beginning of it all…I’ve always thought we were like the Whos of Whoville…a society living in a speck of dust laying on a clover in a larger universe beyond our sight…. You may not see the parallels between this and your thoughts above, but there are.

    I enjoyed this journey…the meaning that you have evolved thus far…whether it remains as this or changes it has merit simply for the truth it holds for you in this moment.

  6. Creating as much as our talents allow.
    Awaiting absorption into the Intellect
    where curiosity began and ends.

    This is very much the intellect of Stephen Hawkins revisited. The Big Bang and the beginnings of time! And to think one is part of it. Great write Gay!


  7. The stardust idea rings true to me, as does the intellect. The absorption and subsequent reabsorbs is something I’ve been trying to put into words for a long time. You have my attention in this discussion. To me, the existential aspect is crucial, that the intellect somehow also involves a redemption of sorts..or forgetting. that all that happens or exists under these conditions passes or becomes something else and what is recorded is a learning experience, however cruel or even if considered as a joke. The transient, yet analytic nature of the “process” leaves us wanting, yet sometimes I think there is method at work that is indeed divine in that it will resolve any and all questions in the end. That is my hope, not my opinion and I wish for a better way of describing those thoughts that bounce around in my head. Thank you for sharing your head, heart and soul, Gay.

  8. I do not discount the power of prayer – or realization of an Almighty by whatever name. I think if your toe is sore, it sends you signals. You medicate it with what is available. If there is a “fix” or a healing balm that can fix things you will do that. I see no reason why that would not be true if SOME ENTITY that great transformed into an entire universe. It would seek to give solace to part of itself.

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